if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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