period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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