I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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