so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
