I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
