i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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