that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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