She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
