I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He did a backflip because drugs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
