we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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