allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So many bounce houses so little time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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