we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
