I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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