I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
