THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
