dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
