Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
