I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
