i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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