the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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