no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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