I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
