Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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