hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
