Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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