Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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