my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
