i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
