I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
