Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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