It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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