There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
