And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
