don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
