I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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