Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I die, sorry about rent.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
