he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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