I want to walk on stilts...naked
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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