Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
