So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
