apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
