I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
