you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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