And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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