I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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