Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it's like heaven, but drunker
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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