just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
