White coat. Heels.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
