I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
