OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
