you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
