why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I currently don't understand fingers.
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