If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
