The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
