Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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