So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My bed smells like the plague
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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