that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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