Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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