So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
