I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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