Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
