i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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