I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize