i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
