just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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