He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
