she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
