ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
