Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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