My nipple is on Facebook.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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