Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
