Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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